What does 'man up' mean to you?

We all have those phrases and sayings that stick with us throughout our lives. A strange little combination of words that pique your interest and stick in your memory for a long time, even if it is not a particularly special phrase.

For me, it was the phrase "man up" that I remember hearing as a child. It was not directed at me, actually, but I do remember thinking it was strange because it was something directed (in anger, I should add) by a man towards a woman. To the mind of a child, that immediately sent up a flag for me...why should a woman want to "man up", really?

Of course, I have learned a lot about the phrase in my years of dealing with my own mental health issues, from working in the mental health sector and from my efforts to raise awareness about mental health. I spoke with and listened to lots of people (not just men) who also had experience of this particular phrase. From all that, here are my top observations about the phrase:

1. It is a form of emotional policing; people use this phrase to make someone believe that their emotional response is wrong, weak or unacceptable (which reinforces the idea that emotions are failures rather than just a part of the human experience);

2. It is an attempt to enforce restrictive masculine norms; people use this phrase as part of a narrow definition of what "being a man" is all about, such as the notions that men don't cry, don't ask for help and must appear tough at all times;

3. It is a clear sign of being emotionally illiterate; people use this phrase because they do not get the chance to learn the language of feelings so they see emotions as signs of weakness instead of finding ways to name or express how they feel;

4. It is often mistaken as a good intention; people use this phrase with a misunderstanding that instead of encouraging resilience and promoting strengths, it actually supports suppression and leads to silence (whatever the intention of the speaker might have been).

See, it's a complicated couple of words, isn't it?

And it is an issue that has been played out very publicly across the media. There was an American sitcom from ABC in 2011 called "Man Up" about a group of men confronting their masculinity. Piers Morgan's use of the phrase once inadvertently sparked the rise of the hashtag #WomanUp. While some tackle the phrase with stern severity like filmmaker Jennifer Siebel Newsom, some take a satirical perspective like the hit musical 'The Book of Mormon'. The phrase certainly has a lot of scrutiny for a simple, two-word, five-letter phrase.

Put yourself in the shoes of a young child who is struggling with their feelings. Their brain is still developing, their understanding of personal identity and emotional intelligence is being shaped by their environment, they do not have the words yet to comprehend the powerful emotions burning in their minds. The outcome can be seen in their tears, shaking hands, wavering voice. Supplemental emotions like anger and fear fill their world as an adult walks into the room.

What do you feel as that child when the adult - a trusted, responsible source of care and learning, a role model for emotional regulation - utters those two harsh words at that moment?

Yes, this is about masculinity and the concept of man without visible emotions. Plenty of research and studies have shown that the impact of this general attitude, particularly on boys and men, can be catastrophic. It creates an image of the world where endurance of pain is encouraged over intervention, creating shame around seeking support and as a result, research consistently shows that men are less likely to seek help with their mental health.

But it is also a poignant case about the power of language. These two words, used in a certain context, have become a poisonous phrase. It is a dangerous tool when used carelessly or callously, two simple words with destructive powers that we need to address with a matter of urgency if we want to overcome the mental health dilemma facing men and boys in this country.

Here's what I have set out to do about it.

I believe in the power of words and I am taking this previously toxic phrase in a new direction. I want to change the narrative around "man up" with just two little bits of punctuation to flip the whole thing on its head. This where The Man, Up! brand has come from...

I am building my business brand around the idea that "man up" can be repurposed for good instead of evil. I'm effectively Luke Skywalker and the phrase is Darth Vader; I can turn it back to the light with a comma (representing the moment of pause before we start on our journey of mental health recovery) and an exclamation mark (representing the moment we achieve a new status or better life for ourself).

Now, if only the whole world suddenly saw my creative bit of punctuation and unanimously agree to never use the phrase "man up" in toxic anger ever again!

Of course, change is not that simple. Change takes time and energy and patience. Change needs awareness and understanding and commitment. Change can happen and can make a difference but it needs everyone behind it. Including you.

So, take one thing away from reading this blog, think about this. What do you do the next time "man up" are the two words on the tip of your tongue? What do you do next?

You have the choice, the opportunity to change the narrative yourself. Make this a positive moment of learning that steers away from the negativity and the toxicity of the past. Instead of telling someone who is suffering to "man up", try asking what they need to lift themselves up...and what you can do to help them.